- 375 Words

So, I queued up my MP3 player (a SanDisk 512mb model) and selected one of the albums. It was Ten from Pearl Jam.

For just a minute or two, I had a flashback thing going on. Funny some of the things that music can do; sometimes it seems that it can act like a drug that can change how you feel, or even how you see the world. I was maybe 15 and back in Kansas City.

I remembered sitting in a red ‘66 Mustang with AJ having Why Go Home cranked up. Then I remembered listening to Blind Melon’s Change from their self-titled album. I guess that the best part about that is that for the first 2 or 3 years I never heard the whole song. The first 1:30 of the song is divided across the left and right channels. AJ liked the lyrics so much he’d always push the balance to the left, so you’d hear nothing for 10 seconds, then a little humming, then a harmonica, and then Shannon Hoon’s voice singing.

I finally picked up the album a few years later after I moved up to Wisconsin and found out there was more to the track. Imagine my surprise and shock. Hell, half the time I have to push the balance to the left otherwise the song doesn’t sound right.

Anyway, the flashbacks got me to thinking… Why the hell am I still living in Wisconsin? I planned on moving back down to Kansas City as soon I turned 18… I’m 27 now. WTF happened? Where did I go wrong? I’ve contemplated it ever since I moved up here. Hell, when my ex-fiancée moved out, I damn near packed my stuff up and jumped in the car with the intention of never looking back.

Upon further reflection though, it doesn’t look like I’ll be moving there anytime soon. I can’t bear to be away from my kids, so I just don’t see it happening. But that just goes to show what music and flashbacks can do… it both reminds you of the past and puts things in perspective for the future. Maybe it’s all about balance… and maybe I’ve just had the dial pushed all the way to the left.