The following represents thoughts of the past based upon the remembrances of my stomach. This doesn’t mean that it was the best, but personal recollections might very well override the otherwise shitty presentation of the sustenance. Perhaps.

Long John Silvers

Those fscking hushpuppies. Fsck you you flattering sons-a-bitches. I thought I loved you. A local branch opened up within the last few years… either the recipe changed, or you always tasted like ass. Either way, I just don’t see a future for us. But I used to love that place when I was a kid.

White Castle

Sliders. Goddammn you. I’ve driven to Kenosha for those things before. I’ve written to the corporate office about opening a Green Bay location before. Memories of my father and I, stopping for the forbidden sandwiches in the past. Hell, that makes me want to put the offspring in the car and drive two and a half hours tomorrow just for some steamed grilled burgers. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, take a walk.

Yes I know, in all reality it’s the memories that make them tasty. I. DON’T. CARE. You can’t take that away from me. Kenosha is only one state away. I’m actually considering putting the child in the car and taking him down there to experience the wonder that is White Castle.

Don’t you judge me. You have no basis.

Fuddruckers.

Best burgers ever by a chain. When I was 8, I didn’t know it was a chain. I thought it was heaven, delivered on a platter. Now you can get in Appleton, but not Green Bay. Seriously? Yeah I used to live there, but still. It’s right behind the Outback Steakhouse. Oh! Yet ANOTHER restaurant available only in Appleton. Blooming onion my ass, that’s 15 miles away.

Tippen’s

Kansas City area. This place closed. CLOSED!?!! Can you believe that? Never you mind that you can get the same damned French Silk Pie at Perkins. When I lived in Kansas City, I considered this place to be an institution. FFS, replaced by Perkins! Home of the microwave pizza and whatnot! When you think silk, you’re supposed to think ladies’ stockings and French Silk Pies. Not fscking Perkins. Really.

Winstead’s

I used to love this place. It was 50’s style everything. They had a steeple on top of the eestaurant. I went back in 2005 and it was almost exactly the same. Like Green Bay’s Kroll’s restaurant, before I even know what a Kroll’s was. I haven’t been here in close to nine years, and I don’t even want to remember the last time I was there.

There was a place in Shawano that came close, so of course that place closed. We just can’t have nice things, can we?